Hurt Me, Heal Me, Love Me
by Jennie-x
Summary: He wanted, needed to be tied up. To beg for the pain to stop. He needed his safety to be taken away again, and there was only one person who could do that to him and understand. Jack/Ianto. Companion Piece to 'The Cat Who Got The Cream'


It was getting late, and he was too sore to move. But he couldn't just stay in bed where his memories and nightmares were his only comfort. No he needed comfort, he needed pleasure, he needed pain. With a sharp intake of breath, Ianto tried to sit up in his bed. He clutched at his ribs desperately. He needed the pain, but he needed the pleasurable pain that he could only get through sex. He pushed the pain aside and stood up a little shakily. He could feel every bruise on his body and it made him shiver with fear. He was safe now, he had to believe that. But looking in the mirror, the sharp red line across his neck, the growing bump on his forehead, the way his body was hunched over itself; they were all constant reminders that his safety could be taken away within a second.

He got dressed slowly. Tight jeans, tight top, and a jumper. He needed sex. He needed to heal. He contemplated going out, it was late but not too late. If he was lucky he could make it to his favourite bar, and within an hour he would be pushed into a toilet cubicle bending over and being pounded into so hard he saw stars.

But he didn't want that sort of pain.

He wanted, needed to be tied up. To beg for the pain to stop. He needed his safety to be taken away again, and there was only one person who could do that to him and understand.

-x-

Jack sat at his desk, a glass of scotch attached to his hand. He had almost failed his team. Almost killed his team. It was supposed to be a routine mission, but it had turned spectacularly wrong. Gwen had been shot, but that wasn't what his mind was dwelling on. Gwen was okay, Gwen was safe, Gwen was in the arms of a man who loved her and could protect her. No his mind was on Ianto.

Ianto who had been beaten, tenderised, almost eaten. He was home alone. He didn't have the comforts of being in the arms of someone who loved him. He was alone. Jack knew he should be there with him. The youngest member of his team could hardly move when he left him. Broken ribs, loss of blood, shock... his injuries had been listed by Owen who had been comforting Gwen at the time. Jack knew he should be there with him, to hold him, to be the one who comforted him. But it was all a reminder for him. He couldn't get too close, he couldn't hold on too tight because one day he would slip between his fingers like sand, and get washed away by the tide.

-x-

Jack was ready to turn in for the night when the cog door rolled open an hour later, he looked at the clock wondering if it was early morning and the team were already starting to roll in. But it wasn't even four in the morning yet. He looked up to see Ianto barely standing in the doorway. His heart ached at the site, pale skin washed of all its colour. The bruises around his face stood out in the light of the room.

"Ianto what are you..." Jack wanted to ask if he was okay. But he knew the answer already.

"I need you to make it hurt Jack." Ianto begged. Jack sighed to himself. He had been worried that this would happen – again. Ianto's outlet for pain or any emotion was sex. Rough sex that left him sore for days. Jack remembered back to the first time he and Ianto had had sex. It was in an alley way, with Ianto begging for him to hurt him. At the time Jack had put it down to him being lost in the moment, and when they had sex for the second time that night, it was slow and full of passion Jack forgot all about Ianto's need to be hurt.

But then it had happened again, the ruthless begging to be hurt, to be spanked, to be chained. Jack knew something was wrong, he put it down to something happening in Ianto's past which always made him want to ask about it. But Ianto had ways of distracting him from his thoughts. His lips, that tongue, they made the curious wonders of his mind slip away and give into everything that Ianto wanted.

Jack stared at Ianto, the pain was evident in his voice that all Jack wanted to do was help. "Make me hurt, Jack." Ianto repeated. His voice was strong, despite how weak his body looked.

"No." Jack sighed. He was determined that he wasn't going to do this again. He would help Ianto through this but not by causing him more pain.

"Please!" Ianto begged. "I need it, Jack."

"No, you don't..." Ianto saw red. He flew himself at Jack, his lips attacking at Jack's who was stunned, but then his senses came back and he pushed Ianto away at an arms length. "Stop."

"It hurts so much," Ianto cried, he moved in to kiss him again but Jack moved away. "Why can't you give me what I need?" He was shouting now, fear and neediness washing over in his voice.

"Because you don't need to be hurt, you need to be looked after. I'll look after you, Yan. Please don't ask me to hurt you again."

"No." Ianto shook his head. "I need to be tied up, Jack. I need you to show me the pleasure in my pain. To kiss the bruises that ache so much. I need it Jack. Please..."

"Why wont you let me look after you?" Jack cried, his own emotions catching up with him.

"This is looking after me." Ianto croaked, his voice strained. "Please..."

"Fine." Jack had given in. If this is what Ianto needed, then he would do it. It would be all too easy for Ianto to go out on the streets, find a guy and begged to be chained, beaten, it would be too easy for Ianto to get seriously hurt. If he needed to get hurt to feel good, Jack decided long ago it would be him to do it. But this would be the last time.

Ianto smiled weakly and Jack grabbed him by his already sore wrists and pulled him towards his office. He could feel Ianto stiffen in his grip, and he knew this was a bad idea. The last thing he wanted was for Ianto to be afraid of him. I'll do this for him, and then I'll take care of him, Jack thought.

Once they were down in Jack's sleeping quarters, he watched Ianto wait to be told what to do. Jack pushed him onto the bed, he heard Ianto moan in pain as his bruised body hit the bed, but he blocked it out. He had to block it out or he wouldn't be able to do this. He kicked of his own boots, and then straddled Ianto. He was heavy on the younger man's body and could feel how weak he was beneath him. Leaning over, Jack grabbed the handcuffs from his bedside table and cuffed him to the bed.

"Blindfold." Ianto said, Jack shook his head. "Please..."

"No." Jack knew how easy it would be for Ianto to fall into his nightmares if he couldn't see that it was Jack doing this to him.

"I need it Jack." His pleading voice scratched at Jack's heart and he found himself given in again. He found one of Ianto's old ties in one of the draws, and quickly tied it around his eyes.

He stared at Ianto, the site was enough to make his eyes water and he was suddenly glad that Ianto couldn't see him. He needed to be strong. He thought that now Ianto was tied and blindfolded he could pretty much do what he wanted to him, take it slow like he needed. But that's not what Ianto wanted.

Jack smiled, even with the conflicting thoughts in his head, the site of Ianto tied and blindfolded to his bed was enough to make his pants tighten. Jack had come to the conclusion that Ianto could be washing up and that would be enough to start his arousal. He looked down at Ianto and smiled. There was obvious arousal there too, and as long as there was arousal then it was okay.

He towered over Ianto's body, brushing his body against his lazily but with pressure, enough to make Ianto whimper. Jack pushed Ianto's shoulders down onto the bed tightly, he heard Ianto moan in what sounded like pain. He wanted to loosen his grip, he didn't want to hurt him but he was captivated now. His lips were drawn open and Jack could stare at them all day, he knew that if he pushed a little harder, Ianto's lips would press against his bottom lip to stop himself moaning out in pain, so he did. He watched in fascination as Ianto's teeth drew blood from his bottom lip as he groaned and withered underneath him.

"Hurt me, more." Ianto begged. Jack pushed harder, one arm holding him down, the other pulling his top forcefully over his head. The handcuffs made it harder to remove it, but he pulled it over his head and let the material gather over his cuffed hands.

Jack's mouth fell open. Ianto was bruised all over. Ianto bucked his body upwards, signalling for Jack to do something, anything. Not too sure what to do, Jack moved his hands over Ianto's body softly, creating a gentle purr from the man beneath him. Touching Ianto like this Jack realised that he was shaking, he was truly terrified.

Jack kissed Ianto's collar bone, hoping it would stop him shaking. "No... rough Jack." Jack decided he was just going to have to do what Ianto wanted, to stop thinking about how much Ianto was shaking and just hurt him. And then after he was going to wrap him in cotton wool and they were going to talk.

He scraped his teeth over one of the bruises on Ianto's ribs and received a large moan in return. He checked again to make sure there was arousal. There was on both parts. He bit at one of the bruises hard, he watched as a small amount of blood trickled from the teeth marks. Ianto was moaning now, a mixture of fear, pain and pleasure. Jack looked up to see that Ianto's hands were fisted, his nails digging so deep into his skin that he too was drawing blood.

Just get it over with, Jack thought. The sooner he comes, the quicker he can help him. He worked his ways down Ianto's stomach, scraping his teeth roughly over every bruise he came across – which was a total of eight. Eight deep purple marks scolded onto his beautiful body.

He yanked the zip of his jeans down in his own frustration. Ianto's budding arousal was clear in his underwear and Jack nodded – he was enjoying it, he needed this. He pulled them down too, along with his trainers and socks. Ianto lay naked, all be it apart from the material of his top at his hands, and Jack could now see the extent of the damage. He was drawn to the deep red mark at his neck. He shuddered at how close Ianto came to death. The blade had pierced his skin, not deep enough to scar, but there it was. Before Jack realised what he was doing, he was straddled over Ianto's thighs once again, his own clothed erection ghosting over Ianto's. He licked the length of the red line, making Ianto shiver and gasp, then he bit it. His teeth sinking into the flesh skin, he sucked and nipped creating his own red mark to cover it. He licked it again, trying to sooth it slightly.

"Jack, please..."

"Tell me what you want, Ianto."

"You, in me. Hard and fast." Jack nodded, even though he knew Ianto could see. Jack leant over to the draw once more, pulling out condoms and lube. He pulled down his own trousers and briefs before lubing up his fingers. When one finger entered Ianto roughly, he was bucking into it. "Just fuck me." Ianto pleaded. Jack shook his head. He was prepared to hurt Ianto, but he knew that if he didn't prepare him properly he would be in pain for days, the type of pain Jack wasn't prepared to give. So he entered a second finger, pushing it deep and hard, with less lube then the first finger. "Jack!" Ianto barked.

"No." Jack shouted, two fingers became three and he was stretching Ianto despite the desperate movements he was making. Jack removed his fingers a few minutes later, he pushed the condom on, and then slicked himself up. He took hold of Ianto's skinny hips, clinging to him tightly, his nails digging into his skin, and then he pushed in.

"Jack, Jack, Jack..." Ianto cursed under his breath as Jack pushed in hard and fast, pounding deep into him. He nudged his prostate with every move he made, making Ianto nothing less then a whimpering mess beneath him.

Jack knew it wouldn't last long, they were both too stressed to enjoy the pleasure to its full. But he was pleased, he shot his liquids into Ianto ten minutes later, and felt Ianto come around his hand which had been yanking and pulling at his erection. Jack pulled out quickly, threw the condom in the bin after tying a knot in it and then he undid Ianto's handcuffs, and removed the top and and tie.

Ianto's eyes were glued shut with tears. His finger nails dug deep into his hands which hadn't moved from the position above his head. "Ianto..." Jack said gently. "It's okay, you're okay..."

"It still hurts." Ianto sobbed, he moved his arms and sat up. He was now cradling his own shaking body. "I can still feel them, you didn't hurt me enough." Jack shook his head, he had hurt Ianto plenty.

"Me hurting you wont replace it, Ianto." Jack moved so he was sat next to him, he wrapped his own arms around him pulling him close.

"It always did before." Ianto sobbed. "I could always forget."

"Could always forget what?" Jack asked.

"The pain." Jack gripped onto him tighter, not to hurt him but to make sure he knew he was there. He could tell that Ianto wasn't talking about the pain his job caused him, there was something in his voice. Deep heart ache.

"Some times the best way to forget the pain is to talk about it." Jack pressed. Ianto shook his head.

"Sex makes me forget it." Jack could hear the exhaustion in Ianto's voice, but he didn't want him to sleep just yet, no he needed to hear this. "It's easier wasting a night with someone, making them help you, knowing they wont be there in the morning. Then telling them the reasons why you need to hurt, why you need the pain so badly for them to walk out on you."

"Tell me, Ianto." Jack said, he was willing for his eyes to stop watering. "I'm not going to walk out on you, I'm always going to be here."

"Promise?" Ianto's voice terrified him. It was so weak, so lost, so young.

"I promise, Yan." Jack said with all his confidence.

"Everyone I've ever loved left me," He said in a quiet voice. "Every one who was supposed to love me didn't." Ianto held onto Jack tightly, as though he thought Jack was about to walk away too. Jack took his hand in his, squeezing it tightly, encouraging him to continue. "My mum died giving birth to me." Ianto said in a barely audible whisper. "Dad blamed me, hated me. Didn't want me. I lived with my grandparents for five years before my grandmother died of a heart attack, grandfather couldn't take care of me on his own, he left me too and I was sent to care."

"I'm sorry," Jack said gently. Ianto had fallen into a fitful silence. His body was shaking with silent tears as he clung to Jack.

"Not your fault." Ianto sniffed. "I just... I don't... when people are nice to me I get scared that it means they're going to leave me."

"I'm nice to you, I'm not going to leave you." Jack promised.

"Don't..." Ianto went to pull away but Jack held him closer.

"Let me heal you, Yan."

"You don't have to..."

"I want to." Jack promised. "Please."

"Okay."

Jack helped Ianto into a lying position, and kissed him gently on his lips. He kissed his way down his body determined that he was going to show Ianto what love felt like.


End file.
